Day of Remembrance

Yesterday was Trans Day of Remembrance and Kyra was honored by being part of a proclamation written by Mayor Nutter. It was truly an honor to accept the proclamation o n her behalf! The event was held at the William Way Center and again was a wonderful night.

Honored as well were Niziah Morris who was murdered 10 years and Stacey Blahnik who was murdered 2 years ago, both cases remain unsolved. In this day an age how is possible that these cases remain unsolved?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and while I am not overjoyed by the coming holiday, I am very thankful for all love and support I have received from so many. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to have had my daughter for as long as I did. I am thankful to still have my mother, sister, nephews, and some very good friends.

I will be going to the William Way Center and The Niziah Morris Home tomorrow for my holiday, giving back to those who have given me so much during this time.

Wishing all a fantastic holiday!

Comments

Please feel free to leave me a comment, I write this blog not only for myself but to try to keep those people who knew Kyra and loved her updated on what has been happening. Even if you didn't know her I appreciate you reading and taking the time to learn more about my beautiful daughter.

Pre-Thanksgiving Event

Tonight I attended an event given by "Colours" an organization in Philadelphia and yet again I met some wonderful people. The event was in honor of Trans Gender Day of Remembrance which is actually tomorrow, November 20th. Two women sang Kelly Brown and Andrea Harrington, beautifully I might add; they also had a wonderful Thanksgiving meal. I was honored to yet again get to say something about Kyra to a group of people some of which truly did know her and many that knew her, all who loved her. My daughter truly was a very special person.

Tomorrow night I go to the William Way Center in Philadelphia where Gloria will be reading the proclamation signed by Mayor Nutter officially making November 20th Trans Gender Day of Remembrance in Philadelphia; I am so proud to know that Kyra is named in the proclamation and that I will be receiving it afterwards. How could any parent not be proud?

Speaking of which, if you are the parent of a child within the LGBT community and have chosen to disconnect yourself from your child simply because they do not live a lifestyle that you agree with, I feel sorry for you. Please reconsider!!! You don't have to agree with your child's lifestyle that's not what being a parent is about, what you are suppose to do is love your child unconditionally! You don't have to be there in their bedroom, just in their life! Being part of the LGBT community is not contagious, so you can't catch anything, but if you're lucky you may catch some wonderful people that are willing to care about you regardless of the fact that you're straight!

Vanished

It's so hard to imagine that a person can be so easily removed from existence, all I have left of Kyra is photos (so many more now that her friends have posted theirs); a box full of comics, one full of cards and one of toys. According to police there is nothing else of hers to be found, where did all her clothes go? Where did all her hair go? Where is her makeup? Her purse? Her cell phone? Supposedly nowhere to be found, but someone knows where her belongings went! Most likely the same person who killed her. Could I please have my daughter's stuff back, I'm sure you don't need her things!

It's been a long week

I never would have thought that visiting the area where Kyra died would have such a tremendous affect on me. I knew last Saturday that I wasn't feeling very good about being in the area but ever since then my heart has ached more and the questions are never ending.

What's worse is now the holidays are quickly approaching and everywhere I go I see things that I should be buying for her as gifts, but have no reason now to buy them. I need to go to the Dollar Store but haven't because I always went in there to get her personal items like shaving cream, make up pads, cotton balls, etc that I would then fill a bag with giving her a couple months worth of supplies. We always bought her a coat, scarf, gloves, hat, and boots this time of year. We always made sure she had her winter clothes; sweaters, socks, etc. I know the holidays will never be the same again for me or my family so I've decided to try to make the holidays productive and beneficial to someone somewhere. I can take that money I would have spent on Kyra and spend on someone who might not otherwise have a gift to open. I've contacted the Morris Home in Philadelphia and offered my help for both Thanksgiving and Christmas as a way of "Paying it Forward" as well as a tribute to my daughter. Might I suggest that anyone reading this find a way to help someone somewhere in your community, it could be as simple as purchasing a food item or simply helping to cook, whatever it is you can do nothing more special this holiday season then lending your hand to someone in need.
Truly be thankful for all the things you do have and not regretful for the things you don't! Most importantly hug and love those closest to you, because today may be the last day you get to do so! Don't have the regret of not getting to say I love you one last time!!!!

My biggest regret as of today in my life, not being there in those final moments of my child's life, being able to let here know she was loved. Being able to provide her some sense of comfort in those final moments and then not knowing sooner that she was gone!

This is now what I have left of my daughter, no the necklace wasn't hers, but it does contain a bit of her, so she will always be close to my heart. In the blink of an eye, she went from being a beautiful woman to fittting into this necklace. Rest in Peace My Sleeping Beauty.

Questions

Everyday I sit and ask myself a million questions: Why? Could I have done more? Was I a good mom? Did she know how much I loved her? Did she suffer? Did she know what was about to happen? Why did they leave her lay there on the side of the road? How could someone do that to another human being? How do they live with themselves? Did she know them? Did she love them? Do they know how much they have devastated my life and the lives of others? Do they care?

Millions of questions, some of which I may never know the answers to, others that I may one day get some kind of answer to. No answer will ever truly heal the hole that is now in my heart or bring her back into my life.

I feel sadder now than when I found out 2 months ago, why is that? How can you possibly feel sadder further done the line? Shouldn't you begin to feel better not worse?

My heart some days truly aches, I sometimes have to wonder if there isn't something else going on. I know it is the tremendous saddens that has invaded my heart, making it ache so.

Everyday I find a new question to ponder and everyday I receive no answer, will it ever end?

Kyra's Life Celebration (Photos)

I know these are a little past due but I just got them, so for those who didn't get to attend I wanted you to be able to see what a wonderful event this was!

This was my memorial table for Kyra

Kyra's friends: Joey, Justin, Dana, Colleen, Mark, and sorry don't remember the others

 I see Wanda, Nick, Maritza, Bonnie and others enjoying themselves

Yes, we had some dancing! Kyra would never go to a party without music!

My nephews Todd and Matt, always watching

Ending the day while we watched her balloons fly away

I'd Wish This On No One

They way I have felt during these last two months is something I would wish on NO ONE. One minute life can seem OK and then suddenly I'm crying. I hate to say it but the worst is when I have to go to the city! I rode the train the other day to go to the Crime Commission and suddenly I found myself crying. See we rode the train so many times together then while Kyra lived in the city I would take the train there to meet her and we would have lunch then shop or vice versa. Now when I ride the train she isn't there to greet me with her smile, a hug, and a kiss. The city seems so strange and foreign to me now, when I've always loved it.

Also during these past two months, I've had people stare at me as if I have some sort of communicable terminal illness, you know the stare possibly. They look at me like they want to say something but aren't quite sure they should or they know what is right to say. The stare says a 1000 words, sometimes it makes me laugh then there are times when it just makes me angry. I know there are people who want to ask me why I never told them about Kris becoming Kyra then there are those who want to ask why I never told them Kyra had once been Kris, so I will clear that up for those people here and now. For those who knew Kris and I didn't tell you about his transition it was because I felt you would not understand so I just simply let you know Kris. For those who only knew Kyra that was because I met you after her transition had started and out of respect for my daughter there was no reason to tell you that she had been born Kris.

This is a picture of my beautiful baby from 27 years ago!

This a picture of my beautiful daughter!

For those people who don't know that this is the same beautiful person just in a different package! My child never change on the inside just simply her outside was changed to match her inside. She was always the same person, actually she was probably more herself after the transition than before. It's such a shame the world makes life so hard on people simply because they need to be a gender different from what they were born. Kyra was very smart, warm, caring, creative, loving, and simply wanted to be recognized as a woman, the woman she worked so hard to become!

Days Have Passed

It has been some time since I have posted anything, unfortunately for me these past few weeks have not been good. I have been feeling sad and lost, realizing that 2 months has passed now and that I will never talk to Kyra again. Alot has happened:

First, we went to a Mixtape Event, this event is held quarterly and is a benefit for one lucky person each time the money that is raised is given to this lucky person to help them with the necessary surgeries to complete their transition. Surgery that is sometimes out of a person's reach without working themselves to the born. My beautiful daughter Divinity was there to perform and she reminds me so much of Kyra it's scary! You can so see where she learned her beauty secrets from!

It was also a chance to hang out with some new friends and some old. We had such a good night, Thank you Blitz!

Second, I did my taping for ABC 6 Crime Stoppers this past Thursday. As soon as I know the date it will air I will put that on here, me I DVR things like this.

Third, today I went to the place where Kyra was killed. It was such a sad day, to see where she died was so surreal. The area is so confusing, when we arrived we were surprised to see the Cancer Center of Philadelphia, a golf course, the Kmart, the WAWA, and some brand new homes. Who would think this is an area where violence runs rampant? All I could think is I've seen worse parts of the city. When we went to the spot I could understand why she would have been walking and probably feeling like she was ok, there's nothing there, literally. Trees on one side, a bus depot and garage on the other side, nothing that looks particularly scary or concerning.
We had the help of the 15th Precinct police and they were WONDERFUL! They wouldn't even let us buy them coffee and donuts (no pun intended).
We flyered the area so the people in this neighborhood would be forced to see her! Forced to see that she was loved by many! Forced to see that her death has affected the lives of many and that she had a family! Forced to see that by being quite they are condenming themselves and their loved ones to living in fear of the killer that is exsisting in their neighborhood! How can you sleep knowing that someone like that lives where you and your children sleep? I have to wonder.
We left Kyra a memorial at the spot where she was found and big enough for all who pass to see!

Changing Blogs

Hello everyone, I am so sorry I haven't written but I've been in a funk guess that has something to do with the 2nd month just passing. Then my other blog page you need a subscription, ok but everytime I try to pay nothing happens, so it's time to change. I'm going to try and save what I can from my own site and bring it here!